I Don’t Want to Talk About It by Terrence Real

There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men. – Terrence Real

I mentioned in a previous post that I’m defeating depression. While working through this, I came across I Don’t Want to Talk About It: overcoming the secret legacy of male depression by psychotherapist Terrence Real. I find it very helpful in giving language to what I’m experiencing.

The premise of the book is that men and women manifest depression differently. The medical community, academia, and pop culture tend to define and diagnose depression based on symptoms that are more in line with a woman’s experience than a man’s. Consequently, depressed men are often left undiagnosed and untreated. Rather than working through their illness, some of these men will turn to antisocial behaviors as a way to avoid their depression and the stigma associated with such an “unmanly” disease. These behaviors can include “workaholism,” substance abuse, emotional unavailability, sexual addiction, and domestic violence.

The tragedy, argues is Real, is that the treatment of depression has a high success rate once a person can own it.

In his book, Real discusses the cultural roots of our collective depression, the relational consequences of depression, and a path to relief and healing. This book is enlightening for both the covertly depressed man and the people who love him.

Depression in men is starting to get some popular attention in light of Robin Williams tragic suicide and Wayne Brady’s recent disclosure of his own struggle. I want to add my voice, for what it’s worth. If you’re suffering from depression yourself or think that you might be, you’re not alone. Please seek help until it helps. I recommend this book as a good place to start.